I am concerned by the lack of humour in this place....

Still my favourite: What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.

Right now, he can't do none of those'.

Meet Pete the meat puppet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7VzWitgeU4

I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

Ray your very odd.

But on to the jokes:

Failed Afghan recruitment slogans:

Be Allah you can be!
Martyrs have more fun!
Free camoflage turbans! Sign up today!
Uncle oSAMa wants you!


What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass?
An Afghani mechanic!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent."

Can you handle it?

There was a women in labour for many harsh hours.
When the baby was finally born the doctor gave the baby to the nurse who rushed away with it.
The woman shouted for her baby but the doctor told her her baby will be back in a awhile.
About 15 minutes later the doctor came back with the baby all rapped up in a blanket. He leant in to give the women her baby and as she put her arms out he quickly smashed the baby against the wall, punched it's face in, and drop kicked it.
The woman screamed MY BABY!! And the doctor said Aprils fool! It was already dead!

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

One man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Premature Ejaculation: The Movie

Coming soon.

Talarin said:

Premature Ejaculation: The Movie Coming soon.

I lol'ed


When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
Tarzan not know sex," he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh,... Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong,... but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes and laid down on the ground.

"Here" she said,... "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

Raylene said:

I lol'ed

We've had odd, weird and a whispered sick but this is just wrong !

How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?

Depends on how thin you slice them.

A boy goes ta a Doctor with an elephant on his head.

"My word, you look like you need my help!" says the doctor.

"your telling me, doc" says the elephant, "can you get this kid off my foot?"